Friday, March 25, 2005

Let 'Er Rip!...Texas-Style!

I am sorry, but you would not believe the bowel emissions that go on in the women's restroom at work. Powerful, long, sputtering, sudden blasting and fizzling explosive nosies reverberate through the restroom. It just about makes me blush! It's just so crude and such a lack of manners and decency! It's like letting out a loud belch in public, but worse! All of this is coming from the most beautiful young women who could be models to the middle-aged motherly types!

Monday, March 14, 2005

Welcome to the Family!

I've been finding that Texans are pretty unreserved in discussing their personal life, as well as topics or experiences that would be deemed inappropriate for open discussion in other states. For instance, Sunday night I was in Chim's Grandma's kitchen, chit-chatting with Chim and his uncles. The topic of conversation was pregnancy. Both uncles have young children, and that night, had decided to share their experiences with Chim and myself. One uncle spoke of the wonders of breastfeeding. He confessed to those present that his wife had been in a lot of pain when one of their children quit feeding cold-turkey. "Her milk just kept building right on up!" So, as a last resort, they went into their garage, where he proceeded to attach his power vacuum pump to one of his wife's breasts and flipped the switch. He said "that pump sucked that milk out better than any breast-pump on the market--manual or electric!" His wife said that she nearly lost her breast when he first flipped the switch, so they had to "turn it down a couple of notches."
Once Chim and myself thought that we had sufficiently recovered from hearing that story, Chim's uncle started to talk about when his wife had gone into labor. He talked about how much pain she was in and how he decided to "whip out the old flashlight and have a looksey." So, he "looked down there and sure enough, the baby was crowning"--so he popped is head up and told his wife: "honey, heeee's a red-head."

Disclaimer: This post is in no way intended to bash my in-laws. It is simply the recanting of an amusing story and example of the cultural differences between states/regions of the U.S. This post has been endorsed by Chim Ritcholds.